Odds and Ends and Indian society

One of my college friends decided to post the links to my blogs. So the blog saw a lot of traffic these past 24 hours. I have been blown away by some of the responses and reactions. There are so many good and sensitive people out there, so many who have their own share of problems. Over the years various people have reached out in ways that have been really touching. Even folks spending time reading about V's journey is impressive. After all, why should anyone spend their own time and energy on something that is not their own? 

Through all this, one of the things I have always maintained is to believe in one's child. Of course, there are situations which are different. The believing might be within certain other boundaries. For instance, a friend of mine has two boys who are autistic. She has handled their situation with a lot of grace over the years, been really strong and practical from what I can see. The fact that she has been working on alternatives for her boys, knowing that they probably are not going to go through a four year college, and handling it all so well has been an immense source of inspiration. 

Even though Indian culture dates back to thousands of years, there is so much that we Indians tend to club under the cultural bucket as not allowable is simply callous. The fact that a child has to struggle under the existing school system in India without support, assistance and services that may be needed in certain cases, and the fact that parents have to accept and support the child and work with family members to have them also accept the situation, as well as continue to shield their child from psychological harm because he/she is not an "A" student is a great deal of burden to carry. It is one that needn't be that way. Together, we all need to start changing that society, no matter which geographical location we may be situated in.

Today is V's thirteenth birthday. The last few months have been fantastic. Not only has V started eating all foods - no restrictions, he has been able to hold it together. In the past, we have tried adding in different foods during big school breaks. However, they haven't worked out - no seizures - but either he would have meltdowns, or there would be some negative impact on his behavior. This time though, it was different. We started experimenting in the summer as always. He started having bits of eggs, toast, and a few other foods that were a complete taboo earlier on. Waited to check and there was no negative reaction. So, I started letting him have more - portions of rice for each meal, slowly increasing it to adding a slice of bread or roti (Indian bread - whole wheat), eggs, waiting and watching after each step, then slowly increasing it. By the time school started for V, he was eating the same food as all of us. It came on unsuspecting, at a time I was probably not expecting it - but then I hadn't expected it. The idea was to take a day at a time and we had finally reached a stage when it was all working out!

My superstition got the better of me and I did not say anything until Thanksgiving when I put it up on Facebook that I was grateful that he was off his restricted diet, in addition to being seizure free (and nightmare free and almost meltdown free)!

He has been really enjoying the freedom to try anything and everything, to feast on things he couldn't, to not have to ask me or check labels each time he wanted to eat something. I have mentioned before that we are very lucky that he is by nature, a very happy child, and so this made him happier. I kind of felt lost initially - I just had to make the same lunches and dinners for both kids. It has made a difference somewhat but is always a reminder of how I need to count my blessings.

Keeping up the optimism has paid off. He had a great birthday and celebrated it by not just eating the toppings off the pizza or a bite of icing, but the entire pizza slices with crust and a whole piece of cake!

In terms of academics, Math continues to be a struggle but given the circumstances, I think he is coping reasonably well. The biggest challenge continues to be his executive functioning. He has been getting a tremendous amount of help and that is great. Middle school has been super from a social perspective. He has found friends who are truly friends, those he can think on the same wavelength, those who will put up with his idiosyncracies, those who may be at a similar maturity level and those whom he can share a reciprocal relationship.

My message continues to be (I use the same for all my students as well) - keep positive, no matter what and keep believing....